Cody…..Shining from ‘The Other Side”

I cannot believe that you are absent yet again,
I wish I could employ a little magic,
To bring you back to life,
Just for a minute to experience your presence

 

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Thoughts are dragging me in their wake,
They are urgent, varied and exhaust my senses,
This is an orgy kind of solitude never felt before,
As I crave to see you annoy me just once again

We shared all the delights and pains of life,
These memories glow but they also hurt with odd sharpness,
I felt the hand of death when I saw you breathe your last,
I still wish that I could do something, anything for you

I still reel with tears when images of your weak body prop up,
Struggling in vain to suck your last energy while in my arms,
The images are still crystal clear and well-lit in my mind’s eye,
They force me through the horrors of death throes

Your parting has made me become who I am,
I do not know who I am anymore,
I have become a maze of shambles
I am full of grief beyond comprehension

Time after time, I call upon your name from memories,
Cody, Cody…. reality always storms my heart,
Silence, silence that I never knew existed,
I had seen it better never taken it in

I have resigned my hopes to the inevitable ‘other side’,
I can’t stop wondering if you are happy in that other side,
The strands of sweetened morning sunshine remind me of you,
You were my sunshine and still are…
For as a kitty I made you a home in my heart to stay forever,

 

 

 

 

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Why?

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The light prickled at her tiny, fragile face,

Tears were freely dripping her childish cheeks,

They guttered beneath her innocent and pleading eyes,

The air was getting out of her lungs, fast

 

I desperately searched for words, a word of comfort,

But they had fallen away the moment I met her stare,

She was young and her mysteries only deepened mine,

My soul was getting heavy and was causing tremors in me

 

What could I say to her?

Did she expect I had the meaning of pain?

I was tempted to look for meaning, any meaning

But was that not why she was crying? Coz of a lie?

 

Time recedes but she has plenty of it ahead her,

To live the horrors of this cold, ungiving, gray world,

Slowly like a deep river,

That realization forced my eyes to expel cascades of tears

 

I wished the tenderness of life was brought by each fresh day,

She was a petal, bright, delicate and translucent,

Caught in early morning blades of light,

Life flowed easily through her, raw in its intensity

 

This vision of her was totally and completely absorbing,

It was delightful and depressing,

I couldn’t speak, couldn’t help her,

She floats in a pool of time that holds the right words

 

 

 

 

 

Delicious Death Moan

Smooth-rocks-sunset

I wish I could turn myself into a stone,

To escape the sharp edged feelings that cut thru’

With so much horror that numbs me again and again,

In a world that has suddenly tuned chaotic and insane

 

In vain I try to take and hold deep breaths to imagine,

A beauty that is colored by all things that really matter,

The simple, self-effacing life away from structured surrounding,

But the reality of it all could be further away from nightmare

 

While I cloak all this profound reality in my poetry,

I do it with a grave heart hyperaware of any gale,

Inspiration has seized me mixed with animal power and fear,

As I inhibit this air and silence that stretches to infinity

 

The world torments the innocent with cruel pleasure in her eyes,

Uglying glowing flesh that once basked in the sun,

Splitting it apart so perfectly with a faithful bomb or a bullet,

With tingling pleasure that creates repulsive Goosebumps to its masters

 

In my world, the air has turned cold and too fragile,

That I am afraid to bow to the bottomless of its eyes,

Because it feels like entering into an endless dark tunnel,

All that makes the innocent to hold on tightly to death,

With eyes raised up as if pleading for help from the sky

 

 

 

The Naked Tree

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A strange sense of dread grew as minutes passed,

The dark eastern sky had started fading into old grey,

The naked tree stood alone in the bare earth as if abandoned to die

It had deep, vacant expression that worried her as she approached it

 

She felt her throat and eyes burning with intense radiation,

She looked at the blank and lifeless tree with a stern gaze,

She thought she saw the tree looking back at her,

It had a weak yet strong stare that resembled that one of a blind man

 

Weakness spread through her body that breathing took an effort,

She waited with impending horror for anything to break the silence,

Only the blackened birds plummeted across the sky above the tree,

The stormy wind was breaking the brisk air making the tree shudder

 

The sadness of the tree made her heart slow to the dull throb of a pendulum,

All her senses shrunk and merged to share the pain of the lone tree,

In her control she wished she had the power to save the pleading tree,

She wished she could reach out for justice of peace to tie the knot

 

The sky, the bird-like clouds seemed as if reflecting the pain,

She couldn’t take her eyes off the pellucid figure before her,

As she felt the last drops of adrenaline depleting slowly from her body,

Resigning hopelessly to teardrops while her heart played slow rhythms,

Music of changing this uncertainty, for something had to change

 

 

Dead Rose

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The sky was plated in black clouds, bearded and blind,
As if it reflected of what she felt in her now dark and empty soul,
She panicked at the scathing and piecing memory of her child,
The meaning of that loss was an equation that could never be solved

In the meadows she maintained an uncoordinated walk,
There were no trees, only a few struggling weeds and grass,
She dropped to her knees because she felt too weak to walk,
She went down to her hands and feet all in fours,
She didn’t seem to have the strength to crawl either…

Tears seemed inadequate expression of her loss,
She freed those emotions that she had husbanded for many years,
She stared up in heaven as if to get answers to her quivering questions,
The one why and the a thousand what if’s seemed to tear her apart

She reeled in horror and in that instant gripping grief,
She ardently wished to be dead that moment,
That wish was powerful and silent as her silent-loud scream,
Her body, mind and soul were filled with the last memories of her child,

The sky tarnished and the silvering mist become a darker welcoming her emotions,
She could not relish the thought that she would carry that pain the rest of her life,
Her heart knocked against at her ribs at that horrible thought,
Her life had become a constant symbol for death and her love for her dead rose,
No amount of meditation would direct her towards the path of serenity