The Heartache

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He could feel it and smell it too,
The burning heartache that churned inside,
He longed for a small mound of love, just little,
It was a soft cry, though it was sad and hopeless

This was an artificially created crisis, but by who?
It had made him small and inside he was a stone,
For his heart carried a quiet kind of rebel for all things,
He had come accustomed to all evil spewed on him

Although he was surrounded by a sea of honest petals,
That danced graciously in the blameless soft breeze,
Violence had numbed his senses into disbelief,
Could neither feel the highest joy nor the deepest sadness.

He was tethered like a hopeless Christmas animal,
For the onslaught of anything that would kill his peace,
For the world was full of tension and discriminate hate,
He had confirmed that horror on earth is real and canny

He wished he could shut his eyes and command it to stop,
He wished to feel wild and free just once more in life,
He wished to feel unreachable and invincible all at once,
He wished he could go into that light but deep dreamlike bliss…
This moment that extended everything that he wasn’t sure of

 

 

 

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Illicit Rendezvous

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I longed for my illicit rendezvous
To wave goodbye to all the noises,
The shrieking words without a heart,
Those that created hell of heaven,

Litany of lies was spread everywhere,
It was the accepted religion,
That everyone risked offending,
Yet it alluded the most faithful

I craved and raved to push myself away,
To seek the perfection of my own reality,
For that is my knowledge of true self,
And because of freedom…I had let me be

I needed my present, my life to take priority over history,
And visit my illicit rendezvous with the naked tree,
Beneath the blackened grey sky,
And not gloss over pride customs,
Nor ethical standards

For how hurtful can it be?
Accepting a life chained by blinding faith,
A life lived beneath hideous masks,
Feeling hurt moment after moment,
Its distorted visage is horrifying!

 

 

Trapped Voice

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He thought that in time, his mind will protect his sanity,
From mounting storms and chaos raging through his flimsy heart,
This rose, whenever he was close enough to experience her scent
In a second he was plunged into a state of enchantment

He was floating in the nothingness of the moment,
It bathed away all his old scars and made him new,
He was waving goodbye to suck desires,
He was a child of oblivion

It was a time to listen to the rhythms of his blinded heart,
He was spell-bounded in the amber of that delicious moment,
Never hesitating to wash all mannerism and pretenses,
Time was never guided by any system

The beauty in her scent carried silent power,
It was warm and had cherry blossom,
His black knowledge hinted that his time was here and now,
And it made blood to throb fiercely through his veins,

He was tired of waiting and wilting through cold days,
He was going to finally tell her about his black desires,
Even with a benign smile he felt disillusioned and lost,
He was unable to control his sensibility and emotions,

He wanted to tell her how much he needed her,
How much his days passed without any purpose,
How much he dreamt, wished and hoped for them both,
But the dryness of his throat spurted empty words,

He couldn’t do it!
The truth was too heavy!
He had failed yet again…
To save his trapped voice

 

The Agile Queen

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The crick crack echoed the breaking of dawn,
Her body reeled from drunken sweet slumber,
She emerged from the hollows of dead branches,
Guided by instincts, she searched for the soft luminous horizon

The sky was dotted by many scattered smoky clouds,
The crisp falling of air carried beauty that felt invincible,
It made her feel immobile and at the same time suspended her,
It was a distilled sweetness that mornings like these carried

The soft sounds of the whistles and bustles of the wind circled her,
They pushed her forward towards the flower petals despite herself,
The delicate soft petals were slowly opening for her awkward self,
She contained her firing desire to crawl and sit inside such openings

She was focused on fulfilling that, which justified her existence,
All her life she was guided and worked from her untamed instincts,
A huge burden of guilt descended on her whenever she thought of fleeing,
Her own existence and relevance was realized by what she did everyday

She was wild, free and was filled by unpredictable love for her duty,
That love was like the sun, it could not be contained in any way,
Though her world was crafty, dangerous and full of unseen horror,
That love was a glorious blanket that made her feel unreachable,
That understanding rose and blossomed the agile body of this tiny queen

 

Cold Dreams

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My eyes are becoming instantly wet and blurry,
From a haze of dust blown by the indiscriminate wind,
A radiant and red cloud of dust is dancing above earth,
I can’t tell whether to let my tears loose from dust or from what I feel

My heart is bleeding with a mixture of feigned hope and fear,
Like the swaths of struggling flowers that are experiencing nakedness,
Under the piercing blades of sunlight and unforgiving, harsh wind,
We are all part of the chaos that legitimizes our own existence

My desperate and wounded efforts have turned out to be a maze,
After directing and navigating tirelessly to places unknown,
For I heard that is where my dreams lay in silence waiting for my hand,
But their cruelty is marked from their absence from my searching eyes

The cruelty of these cold dreams is as hard as the day before,
This vicious cycle has made my eyes hung heavy with exhaustion,
The world can smell and even taste my brokenness and defeat,
As I slowly get covered by the black and gray sky that appears evil,

Now, the wind has gone up from gusts to gale,
I am hit by brief twists of shadows passing and going,
Scraps of orphaned green leaves are leaving shuddering trees,
This terrible reality threatens to carry me outside of time

But I stand still and demand a wind of myself,
I want to experience the physical chaos that resides within,
Fears and sorrows are honoring the pragmatics of my cold dreams,
I know this is a cruel phrase that enjoys preying on hope,
But cold dreams have blinded and exhausted my adrenaline

 

Inverted Blue River

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All your dreams became inverted,
You can’t grasp life’s inverted chances,
You are now trapped in the inverted crowd,
The majestic view of your life is now inverted,

All values and symbols of power appear inverted
You caught in a labyrinth of inverted situations,
This is not how things should be!
In silence you shout over and over!

You had a clear view of how things should be,
In vain you mirror images and shadows,
Signs of the purest kind of love,
They are remote and enigmatic

They make your heart grandly sing,
As you sit alone deep in the woods,
You get lost in the pitter-patter of the blue river,
Eyes closed, you release your heart, body and soul

You do not realize that the blue river is inverted too!
So as the trees that house the inverted sleeping birds,
The attractiveness of everything is pure bliss,
All you needed was a worm-view to see clearly

The barbaric spectacle of this world,
But also the strange beauty,
It is red but also radiant,
Splendor that calls and traps your soul!

The Promised New

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A particle of gold is worthy to be called gold,
Just as the salty taste of a drop of water from the vast sea,
I, endowed with all the qualities that entitle me to the universe,
Every minute measure in me is part and parcel of everything universal

I can feel the earth’s slow vibrations surging me forward,
The unseen yet real black power seems to shift everything,
Everything seems to be moving yet in reality not moving at all,
To places and experiences that are emblematic and intensely unreal

There are many paths each with its’ own doors to different experiences,
The paths have dancing flowers that are unshackled from tangles of leaves,
They contain a sense of indescribable gentleness that makes me forget,
And they are faded into different shades of colors that glee under the sunlight

I am walking in a world that is neatly balanced between dreaming and reality,
Fast images seem to slam my mind with mixtures of hopes and fear,
The meaning of these paths lies in the secret doors of experiences that awaits,
Trying to find these meanings present yet another experience that has no name,

But I know I have to choose between old spells and the promised new,
My face is decorated with double edged expression that betrays my dilemma,
But I force myself to grow away from self doubts that had held me down,
A firm refusal to be schematized and trapped again into old timely patterns,
I know positive power is only realized in its’ penultimate moment of blackness!

I Am

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I am a brightly colored petal that sings in the wind,
My appetite appeals to guide my precious virtues,
While my soul seeks to demystify the many layers of mysteries,
To tranquil the raging storms which form sad fearful faces…

I like slowing every moment with a light kiss,
Even those instances that try to fail my efforts,
For they carry great, silent and gentle humbleness,
That is only open for the windows of my soul…

As the moon shines a silvered pale light,
I bath in a pool of sophisticated strong air,
That is unspeakable than the fear in me,
Of a black script that swirls before my eyes

Like an electric current, my heated blood pulse,
From the hunger of seeking and exploring,
All the innocence and splendor that lies ahead,
And to see the many faces that beauty presents

As the invincible dawn brings in new strengths and possibilities,
I will slow down my heart to the pace of a pendulum,
To feel the golden-orange rays run through my skin,
And to remind me that I am alive and living!

 

A Pitiful Lie

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A flicker of hope twinkled once more,
But it was blown away like a candle in the storm,
She had to let go and drop all her resistance to the reality,
Her heart sank deep down to into the unfathomable darkness

Her breathing was thin and it took immense effort to suck in air,
For the air around her felt heavy as if it resisted her desperate attempts,
To the east, the sky was defined by a dark outline that spread to infinity,
As if reflecting contempt for the curse that defined her structured life

Life was slowly receding from her like a boat does to the shore,
She wished that she could curl the edges of herself to hide from everything,
She wanted to take and hold deep breaths as tightly as a rope,
To suck out life because she felt too awkward to act as the living

Every little detail that mattered deeply in her life had faded away,
All her senses had gone numb and she was unafraid like a stone would,
Her body was raw, horrified, wretched and demeaned by recent events,
Now, she had nothing more to lose in her pointless existence

Her world had become smaller, dimmer and colder as minutes passed,
The reckless wind pushed her stiffened body forward as if helping her up,
It carried with it something curt yet sober in its attempt to encourage her,
It surprised her with its wild, stubborn and unpredictable love,
It was a pitiful lie, beautiful and she was too willing to believe in it,
She shut her eyes and commanded her body to rise up and start anew

 

My White Shadows

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I am honoring the pragmatic of my white shadows,
In a frosty world of adoration to all that abhor,
That many times leave me lost, hollow and unloved,
The sinuous grace of white shadows cover me with gentle kisses,
As light and tender as the fall of delicate flower petals

Through the deafening hisses of persistence rumors,
Those that create a big hole of lies that harbor primal fear,
And carry a fatal chord that can stop the rhythm of life,
My white shadows distill my moments and save me,
They get me deep in a protected, timeless dreamlike ecstasy

When I am a small fly caught and trapped,
And my world is suspended and immobile,
My heart weak and helpless with a distorted visage,
From the horizon, they appear radiating something intimate,
Of a connection to the air, the earth and of an infallible purpose

The immaculate anonymity of my white shadows fill me,
It fades away all tenuous beliefs of what I am, can be,
For they bring fresh ripple of whispers in my ears,
Of hope and love that is beyond time and space,
That awash me with a sensation of a beautiful life