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Someone’s Watching

Helpless and hopeless I lose to my senses

I know I have the weakest flesh,

And I am unlucky enough to witness,

This is my chaos of existence

 

I keep blowing away every single ray of light,

Innocently I surrender my soul to the shadowy,

And wear it so comfortably like an old hat,

Even the town’s drunk seems contented with it

 

The land feels dry and hot in my feet,

As I desperately search for the scattered grass,

At least to assure myself that I will see that ray again,

Or even hope to get help from that who’s watching

 

My life is as fragile like a petal amidst dry lands,

I feel it receding like a boat on a shore,

It is getting away as in violence,

I only need that trifling mound of love

 

The world vibrates with piercing punishment,

Today is harder than the day before,

It is a strange sad mortality,

But the desire to live burns inside me,

It bursts like an over-flared balloon

 

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Better Things…

Better things are coming….I can smell, feel and  hear them carrying  sounds of explosion!

Cody…..Shining from ‘The Other Side”

I cannot believe that you are absent yet again,
I wish I could employ a little magic,
To bring you back to life,
Just for a minute to experience your presence

 

Thoughts are dragging me in their wake,
They are urgent, varied and exhaust my senses,
This is an orgy kind of solitude never felt before,
As I crave to see you annoy me just once again

We shared all the delights and pains of life,
These memories glow but they also hurt with odd sharpness,
I felt the hand of death when I saw you breathe your last,
I still wish that I could do something, anything for you

I still reel with tears when images of your weak body prop up,
Struggling in vain to suck your last energy while in my arms,
The images are still crystal clear and well-lit in my mind’s eye,
They force me through the horrors of death throes

Your parting has made me become who I am,
I do not know who I am anymore,
I have become a maze of shambles
I am full of grief beyond comprehension

Time after time, I call upon your name from memories,
Cody, Cody…. reality always storms my heart,
Silence, silence that I never knew existed,
I had seen it better never taken it in

I have resigned my hopes to the inevitable ‘other side’,
I can’t stop wondering if you are happy in that other side,
The strands of sweetened morning sunshine remind me of you,
You were my sunshine and still are…
For as a kitty I made you a home in my heart to stay forever,

 

 

 

 

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The Heartache

He could feel it and smell it too,
The burning heartache that churned inside,
He longed for a small mound of love, just little,
It was a soft cry, though it was sad and hopeless

This was an artificially created crisis, but by who?
It had made him small and inside he was a stone,
For his heart carried a quiet kind of rebel for all things,
He had come accustomed to all evil spewed on him

Although he was surrounded by a sea of honest petals,
That danced graciously in the blameless soft breeze,
Violence had numbed his senses into disbelief,
Could neither feel the highest joy nor the deepest sadness.

He was tethered like a hopeless Christmas animal,
For the onslaught of anything that would kill his peace,
For the world was full of tension and discriminate hate,
He had confirmed that horror on earth is real and canny

He wished he could shut his eyes and command it to stop,
He wished to feel wild and free just once more in life,
He wished to feel unreachable and invincible all at once,
He wished he could go into that light but deep dreamlike bliss…
This moment that extended everything that he wasn’t sure of

 

 

 

Illicit Rendezvous

I longed for my illicit rendezvous
too wave goodbye to all the noises
all shrieking words without a heart
those that created hell in heaven.

Litany of lies was spread everywhere
because it was the accepted religion
which everyone risked offending
yet it alluded even the most faithful.

I crave and rave to push myself away
and seek the perfection of my own reality
for that is my knowledge of true self
and because of freedom…I have to let me be.

I need the present and life to take priority over history
searching and yearning for my illicit rendezvous
beneath this blackened grey sky
I will never gloss over pride customs
nor ethical standards.

For how hurtful can it be?
Accepting a life chained by blinding faith
one lived beneath hideous masks
feeling hurt moment after moment
distorting my visage can be horrifying!

 

 

The Agile Queen

The crick crack echoed the breaking of dawn,
Her body reeled from drunken sweet slumber,
She emerged from the hollows of dead branches,
Guided by instincts, she searched for the soft luminous horizon

The sky was dotted by many scattered smoky clouds,
The crisp falling of air carried beauty that felt invincible,
It made her feel immobile and at the same time suspended her,
It was a distilled sweetness that mornings like these carried

The soft sounds of the whistles and bustles of the wind circled her,
They pushed her forward towards the flower petals despite herself,
The delicate soft petals were slowly opening for her awkward self,
She contained her firing desire to crawl and sit inside such openings

She was focused on fulfilling that, which justified her existence,
All her life she was guided and worked from her untamed instincts,
A huge burden of guilt descended on her whenever she thought of fleeing,
Her own existence and relevance was realized by what she did everyday

She was wild, free and was filled by unpredictable love for her duty,
That love was like the sun, it could not be contained in any way,
Though her world was crafty, dangerous and full of unseen horror,
That love was a glorious blanket that made her feel unreachable,
That understanding rose and blossomed the agile body of this tiny queen

 

Cold Dreams

My eyes are becoming instantly wet and blurry,
From a haze of dust blown by the indiscriminate wind,
A radiant and red cloud of dust is dancing above earth,
I can’t tell whether to let my tears loose from dust or from what I feel

My heart is bleeding with a mixture of feigned hope and fear,
Like the swaths of struggling flowers that are experiencing nakedness,
Under the piercing blades of sunlight and unforgiving, harsh wind,
We are all part of the chaos that legitimizes our own existence

My desperate and wounded efforts have turned out to be a maze,
After directing and navigating tirelessly to places unknown,
For I heard that is where my dreams lay in silence waiting for my hand,
But their cruelty is marked from their absence from my searching eyes

The cruelty of these cold dreams is as hard as the day before,
This vicious cycle has made my eyes hung heavy with exhaustion,
The world can smell and even taste my brokenness and defeat,
As I slowly get covered by the black and gray sky that appears evil,

Now, the wind has gone up from gusts to gale,
I am hit by brief twists of shadows passing and going,
Scraps of orphaned green leaves are leaving shuddering trees,
This terrible reality threatens to carry me outside of time

But I stand still and demand a wind of myself,
I want to experience the physical chaos that resides within,
Fears and sorrows are honoring the pragmatics of my cold dreams,
I know this is a cruel phrase that enjoys preying on hope,
But cold dreams have blinded and exhausted my adrenaline

 

Inverted Blue River

All your dreams became inverted,
You can’t grasp life’s inverted chances,
You are now trapped in the inverted crowd,
The majestic view of your life is now inverted,

All values and symbols of power appear inverted
You caught in a labyrinth of inverted situations,
This is not how things should be!
In silence you shout over and over!

You had a clear view of how things should be,
In vain you mirror images and shadows,
Signs of the purest kind of love,
They are remote and enigmatic

They make your heart grandly sing,
As you sit alone deep in the woods,
You get lost in the pitter-patter of the blue river,
Eyes closed, you release your heart, body and soul

You do not realize that the blue river is inverted too!
So as the trees that house the inverted sleeping birds,
The attractiveness of everything is pure bliss,
All you needed was a worm-view to see clearly

The barbaric spectacle of this world,
But also the strange beauty,
It is red but also radiant,
Splendor that calls and traps your soul!

The Promised New

A particle of gold is worthy to be called gold,
Just as the salty taste of a drop of water from the vast sea,
I, endowed with all the qualities that entitle me to the universe,
Every minute measure in me is part and parcel of everything universal

I can feel the earth’s slow vibrations surging me forward,
The unseen yet real black power seems to shift everything,
Everything seems to be moving yet in reality not moving at all,
To places and experiences that are emblematic and intensely unreal

There are many paths each with its’ own doors to different experiences,
The paths have dancing flowers that are unshackled from tangles of leaves,
They contain a sense of indescribable gentleness that makes me forget,
And they are faded into different shades of colors that glee under the sunlight

I am walking in a world that is neatly balanced between dreaming and reality,
Fast images seem to slam my mind with mixtures of hopes and fear,
The meaning of these paths lies in the secret doors of experiences that awaits,
Trying to find these meanings present yet another experience that has no name,

But I know I have to choose between old spells and the promised new,
My face is decorated with double edged expression that betrays my dilemma,
But I force myself to grow away from self doubts that had held me down,
A firm refusal to be schematized and trapped again into old timely patterns,
I know positive power is only realized in its’ penultimate moment of blackness!