It is
silent
delicious
liquid splendor
and darkness ebb and flow
When she woke up today
she saw threads of sunshine
slithering through bare-branches
and swore the sun was winking at her
But she knew it carried no promise
at least not for her
she was forgotten
and broken
The sun never gave her warmth
instead it carried
icy sly pry and whispers
and she blamed it for her inner scars
Hating eyes
carried sharp blades
cutting right through her soul
rendering her dull and useless
Nighttime called her dreams
they were more alive
more vivid…
and colored the dawn
She loved soaking in the ocean
it softened her skin
her heart felt
soothed
cooled
She waited impatiently
for darkness to settle in
and noises to dwindle
to draw her in
and out
She never had to feel small
nighttime was gentle
calming
teasing
and loving
Nice piece. To make it easier for readers, remove the spacing in between the lines of each stanza. Reading this required more scrolling than needed. Also, I would take out “impatiently” from 1st line of you 2nd to last stanza. “He waited” can makes a sufficient description with nouns, verbs and adjectives to do the heavily lifting. Did you know, adverb are rated the #1 killer of poetry listeners. True fact! Be careful with punctuation. It can add that extra touch that makes it English. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading. Look forward to reading more of your work.
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Thank you so much for that insightful advice, which is an added benefit to my poetry writing. I am glad that you are interested in my writing and I sure hope that you’ll support and guide me grow. Indeed, we learn and grow everyday.
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Reblogged this on Aston kamunde.
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